Forming a pillar

I have a big blog on the way, but I just wanted to post a little something that I just thought of.

So, lately I have been able to get to know a lot more people in the SSA community and they've become some of my dearest friends. I am currently going into a life crisis and so I am constantly thinking of everything and what things mean. Especially with the passing of President Gordon B. Hinckley, I am thinking about how prepared I am for death... I am definitely not prepared for that. My sister passed away at age 25--that's only 2 years off for me. So, it's on my mind often.

But as I think about these "gay" friends that I have, I see the struggle they constantly have with life. It pains me because I love them and want the best for those that I love and I can't think of anything I could do to help. In a way I feel that I've been able to become fast friends with them because of the understanding I am having about SSA and also just their caring and open personalities. It makes me just realize how trivial everything in life is. I have some friends who I've known for YEARS that I am barely close to. And yet, Brady and Sean who I've known for olny like... 2 good weekends and a lot of text messaging... I think I am so close to them because these are real problems. This is true human anguish and concern as opposed to all the petty redundant things that most people worry about.

I am learning so much about myself, the way I feel about people, where my testimony stands, and who I want to be just from the experiences that I have had with Calvin, Brady and Sean. If I am the only pillar they might have in a moment of need, I need to be firmly rooted in what I know so that the weight of the situation doesn't make both of us fall. It's amazing to me how scary life beyond college seems now that I am so close to being done. I haven't really felt like an adult and I'll soon have to be a real one. Now is the time to solidify myself so that when I'm faced with more of these REAL emotions out there, I won't go nuts.