Wow, it's been a really long time since I posted! I can't believe it. I'd like to say that I have been really busy (though I have) but I've also been really not busy and really really bored. I've been lazy and just can't think of anything to write. :( But seeing as this is basically my "MoHo" blog, I guess I have something to post about right now. I just went to my first FHE at the Matis's. (I think that's how to spell it) and all I can say is, wow! I loved it! I really enjoyed the sweet testimony of the man that spoke and sister Matis just is absolutely wonderful, I see why Kyle likes her. I was super excited to be having food afterwards too. hahah I hadn't eaten a thing all day. Ok, that's not entirely true, but it had been like 8 hours since I had ate anything.
This is apparently going to be a super short post. I just really wanted to say how much I enjoyed the Matis' FHE. Also, I've been able to get to know another MoHo a little bit, and I just want to say how much I love that guy. He is really super nice and hearing what he had to say to a dear friend tonight was very touching. It made me a little sad actually because I miss friends like that. I don't know if it's because I have changed, if my friends have changed or if I just don't talk to the friends who I used to talk like that with or what.... I think I'm just lonely. I'm definitely more depressed these days than I have been in a long while.
Anyway, guess I just wanted to say I'm still alive and that this blog isn't dead. :)
Monday, June 2, 2008
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Truly my eyes open
Ok so I started writing this blog like a month and a half ago and just now I edited a few things and changed the tense but I guess I still wanted to share. Here goes.
Lately I have felt like I am thrust into the whole MoHo world. And honestly, that is not a bad thing. I have become great friends with a growing number of these men. It is interesting how quickly you can become devoted and passionate about a cause. Ask me a year ago about my feelings on gay people, and I would not be able to really give you a straight (haha no pun intended) answer. I didn’t really have an opinion. I knew that I didn’t hate those that were of that orientation and I knew that I wasn’t disgusted at the thought. Now . . . I get really annoyed at closed minded people who believe that all those who are gay or deal with SSA are “icky” and are just not true to themselves, they really just have other problems and are using this one as an excuse. Ugh, that makes me so annoyed. Especially at this university where there are a million very conservative people who haven’t dealt with this issue and can’t accept it. Be inclusive, not exclusive. Anyway, my point is, my friends are my friends. If they have an issue they are dealing with, I want to help them—I don’t care what the issue is. I may not endorse certain actions, but I want to understand their values and opinions and help them stick to those.
Last year I had an opportunity to see Calvin interact with another man. It was really weird. I’ll be honest about that. It was my first time seeing him after he had told me about his SSA. Even though we talked for many months about his SSA and I heard about things that were going on in his life (mainly from other people), parts of it still didn’t click. Two months ago I went to see my friends Delilah, Calvin, Brady and Sean. Delilah has had tons of opportunity to see the “gay side” of Calvin, heck she even dated Brady for a while. So, that weekend it was definitely an eye opener. I bet they all thought I was weird cause I didn’t stop laughing the whole three days I was there. Parts of it honestly were because I was uncomfortable. It made a lot of the stuff I had been hearing for 10 months come to life. I guess in a way, it made the struggle more obvious. Calvin has a hard time opening up and just talking about things, and often times you just won’t hear from him, and so going down to see him and basically re-meeting Sean, I was able to see for myself what he doesn’t talk about. And to be quite honest, there really isn’t anything to be concerned about. It was just very different seeing those interactions.
And now, after I feel I’ve had a chance to get to know Sean, and Brady better than before, I can really understand them better because I’ve observed them in situations and so forth.
To be honest, I don’t know what I’m going on about in this blog. These were just some thoughts I had. Thought I’d share.
Here’s a joke.
How many Psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? One, but the light bulb has to want to change itself.
Lately I have felt like I am thrust into the whole MoHo world. And honestly, that is not a bad thing. I have become great friends with a growing number of these men. It is interesting how quickly you can become devoted and passionate about a cause. Ask me a year ago about my feelings on gay people, and I would not be able to really give you a straight (haha no pun intended) answer. I didn’t really have an opinion. I knew that I didn’t hate those that were of that orientation and I knew that I wasn’t disgusted at the thought. Now . . . I get really annoyed at closed minded people who believe that all those who are gay or deal with SSA are “icky” and are just not true to themselves, they really just have other problems and are using this one as an excuse. Ugh, that makes me so annoyed. Especially at this university where there are a million very conservative people who haven’t dealt with this issue and can’t accept it. Be inclusive, not exclusive. Anyway, my point is, my friends are my friends. If they have an issue they are dealing with, I want to help them—I don’t care what the issue is. I may not endorse certain actions, but I want to understand their values and opinions and help them stick to those.
Last year I had an opportunity to see Calvin interact with another man. It was really weird. I’ll be honest about that. It was my first time seeing him after he had told me about his SSA. Even though we talked for many months about his SSA and I heard about things that were going on in his life (mainly from other people), parts of it still didn’t click. Two months ago I went to see my friends Delilah, Calvin, Brady and Sean. Delilah has had tons of opportunity to see the “gay side” of Calvin, heck she even dated Brady for a while. So, that weekend it was definitely an eye opener. I bet they all thought I was weird cause I didn’t stop laughing the whole three days I was there. Parts of it honestly were because I was uncomfortable. It made a lot of the stuff I had been hearing for 10 months come to life. I guess in a way, it made the struggle more obvious. Calvin has a hard time opening up and just talking about things, and often times you just won’t hear from him, and so going down to see him and basically re-meeting Sean, I was able to see for myself what he doesn’t talk about. And to be quite honest, there really isn’t anything to be concerned about. It was just very different seeing those interactions.
And now, after I feel I’ve had a chance to get to know Sean, and Brady better than before, I can really understand them better because I’ve observed them in situations and so forth.
To be honest, I don’t know what I’m going on about in this blog. These were just some thoughts I had. Thought I’d share.
Here’s a joke.
How many Psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? One, but the light bulb has to want to change itself.
www.mangocafe.blogspot.com
Just so you are all aware, I DO have another blog and it contains all of my creative writing. I haven't put up anything in a while (well, I posted today, but nothing new) but you can still go and read the stuff I've posted in the past. I ALWAYS love hearing critiques and praises about my writing. I have poems, song lyrics and short stories or unfinished stories in there. I would post more if more people read sooooo..... go to it!
By the way, Im currently writing a story about 4 gay guys at BYU haha so, eventually I'll put something up. Maybe when I have a first draft of my first chapter. we'll see.
By the way, Im currently writing a story about 4 gay guys at BYU haha so, eventually I'll put something up. Maybe when I have a first draft of my first chapter. we'll see.
Friday, February 1, 2008
President Hinckley
I just thought this was interesting.
"The passing of President Hinckley was discussed extensively on the “blogosphere.” The day following his death, a new blog post was published about him every couple of minutes. According to Blogpulse, a service that tracks trends in blogs, President Gordon B. Hinckley was the third most mentioned person in the blogosphere on Monday, 28 January." - Austria National Radio (Austria) http://mbl.is/mm/frettir/erlent/2008/01/28/forseti_mormonasafnadarins_latinn/
There also happened to be a flood of text messages and phone calls the night of his death along the Wasatch front making some service providers unable to carry the influx of communication.
"The passing of President Hinckley was discussed extensively on the “blogosphere.” The day following his death, a new blog post was published about him every couple of minutes. According to Blogpulse, a service that tracks trends in blogs, President Gordon B. Hinckley was the third most mentioned person in the blogosphere on Monday, 28 January." - Austria National Radio (Austria) http://mbl.is/mm/frettir/erlent/2008/01/28/forseti_mormonasafnadarins_latinn/
There also happened to be a flood of text messages and phone calls the night of his death along the Wasatch front making some service providers unable to carry the influx of communication.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Forming a pillar
I have a big blog on the way, but I just wanted to post a little something that I just thought of.
So, lately I have been able to get to know a lot more people in the SSA community and they've become some of my dearest friends. I am currently going into a life crisis and so I am constantly thinking of everything and what things mean. Especially with the passing of President Gordon B. Hinckley, I am thinking about how prepared I am for death... I am definitely not prepared for that. My sister passed away at age 25--that's only 2 years off for me. So, it's on my mind often.
But as I think about these "gay" friends that I have, I see the struggle they constantly have with life. It pains me because I love them and want the best for those that I love and I can't think of anything I could do to help. In a way I feel that I've been able to become fast friends with them because of the understanding I am having about SSA and also just their caring and open personalities. It makes me just realize how trivial everything in life is. I have some friends who I've known for YEARS that I am barely close to. And yet, Brady and Sean who I've known for olny like... 2 good weekends and a lot of text messaging... I think I am so close to them because these are real problems. This is true human anguish and concern as opposed to all the petty redundant things that most people worry about.
I am learning so much about myself, the way I feel about people, where my testimony stands, and who I want to be just from the experiences that I have had with Calvin, Brady and Sean. If I am the only pillar they might have in a moment of need, I need to be firmly rooted in what I know so that the weight of the situation doesn't make both of us fall. It's amazing to me how scary life beyond college seems now that I am so close to being done. I haven't really felt like an adult and I'll soon have to be a real one. Now is the time to solidify myself so that when I'm faced with more of these REAL emotions out there, I won't go nuts.
So, lately I have been able to get to know a lot more people in the SSA community and they've become some of my dearest friends. I am currently going into a life crisis and so I am constantly thinking of everything and what things mean. Especially with the passing of President Gordon B. Hinckley, I am thinking about how prepared I am for death... I am definitely not prepared for that. My sister passed away at age 25--that's only 2 years off for me. So, it's on my mind often.
But as I think about these "gay" friends that I have, I see the struggle they constantly have with life. It pains me because I love them and want the best for those that I love and I can't think of anything I could do to help. In a way I feel that I've been able to become fast friends with them because of the understanding I am having about SSA and also just their caring and open personalities. It makes me just realize how trivial everything in life is. I have some friends who I've known for YEARS that I am barely close to. And yet, Brady and Sean who I've known for olny like... 2 good weekends and a lot of text messaging... I think I am so close to them because these are real problems. This is true human anguish and concern as opposed to all the petty redundant things that most people worry about.
I am learning so much about myself, the way I feel about people, where my testimony stands, and who I want to be just from the experiences that I have had with Calvin, Brady and Sean. If I am the only pillar they might have in a moment of need, I need to be firmly rooted in what I know so that the weight of the situation doesn't make both of us fall. It's amazing to me how scary life beyond college seems now that I am so close to being done. I haven't really felt like an adult and I'll soon have to be a real one. Now is the time to solidify myself so that when I'm faced with more of these REAL emotions out there, I won't go nuts.
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